This morning is the first time, I let myself sit down and have a really good cry. So far I haven’t let myself slow down enough to really “feel” and take it all in. I’ve been so busy and determined to get to you….working, and pressing forward through paperwork…
But now all my working all my part is finished…and we simply wait and pray. This is truly the hardest part yet. Letting go of all and realizing everything is in the hands of our loving Father and trusting it is He who “makes all things work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.”
It’s really hard having you a world away, and not being able to get to you and pick you up out of your crib. My heart aches…but I have found allot of comfort lately in a blog of another mommy who waited for her baby from China. I’ve read her feelings and they match mine so perfectly. She shared this picture on her blog of the place her baby was kept until she arrived….
(She wrote underneath the pic) “Yes, those are wood planks. I’ve been told they are for sanitary reasons (helps prevent lice, scabies, etc.). There are around 24+ babies for every 2 nannies from what I understand. Needless to say, my daughter has spent the majority of her life in one of those cribs. She isn’t outside playing in the grass. She doesn’t get the individual attention babies crave & need. She is one among many. I am a wreck at the thought of it all.
Reality.” (from http://ashleyannphotography.com/blog/adoption/)
I’m not sure very many people may understand when I talk about you…but it’s ok…. we haven’t been matched yet through our adoption agency….and maybe when I talk like you are already mine it is confusing…..
….. But, I know that the God that formed you in your mother’s womb has predestined you!! And this means He who does nothing by chance or accident….but says the days of our lives our numbered along with the hairs of our heads…….has already matched us. This is an exceptionally sweet feeling!!! For every step of the way we’ve been praying for God’s perfect plan and timing and that if you were there already that we would get to you as quickly as possible!! Not out of impatience…but out of a need… we need to hold you, and love you, for you are already very much a part of all our hearts….
And until you are here we all feel a void…..
This morning before your big brother and sis went to school we read I John 3:1 “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God” We said our morning prayers thanking God that He chose us and has adopted us too! …as his sons and daughters….then we asked that you would sleep good tonight. As we wake up, you are laying down to sleep! We have no idea today if you fall asleep with a soft blanky, or sleep on one of those wooden planks too. But, however your little head is laid down to rest….we say “goodnight little one.”
May your guardian angel watch over your bed, and the beds of all the sweet faces waiting to be loved….and my your Father in heaven send his love like a blanket to surround you. We ask that you wouldn’t be hungry, lonely, or in pain…..and that you feel the love that stretches across the world to you– tug at your heart.
Good night little one…